Battle of the Boys
by Musashi
Summary: Remember, vote for the character(s) you want to DIE. Sort of like Survivor. Don't vote for the character(s) you want to win the competition.
1. Default Chapter

**Battle of the Boys  
A Rocketto Gang Production  
By  
Anberu Musashi Roquet - "Musashi"  
Kojiro James - "Kojiro"  
Gigasbolt - eh.. "Gigasbolt"**

**BOLD** text denotes something happening in the spotlight or the commentators speaking.  
_Italics_ is in the Dressing Room or where nobody should be able to see, or the location indicator  
_Obligatory Warnings: There are yaoi-suggestive and lemon-suggestive things. Nothing explicit, certainly, but if either of these offend you... Also watch out for alcohol-drinking and cigarette smoking. And mild language._

~Before the Show~  
_(Main room)_  
{Anberu} [cackles, rubbing her hands together]  
{Kojiro} [slips quietly in, dressed in the usual white uniform...]  
{Anberu} ..Where's everyone else?  
{Kojiro} [head tilt...].....?  
{Anberu} We've got contestants lined up around the block and we need to get this thing going..  
{Kojiro} ...Who are they?  
{Anberu} ...do you actually want me to list 'em? Well, we've got.. um.. everyone..  
{Kojiro} O.O; Eeee....  
{Anberu} And we've got problems, too! ...  
{Kojiro} ...Oh?  
{Anberu} ...I lost the lists.  
{Anberu} ARGH!  
{Kojiro} .........;  
{Anberu} I don't remember who's supposed to host...   
{Amber Restin} Me, baka! [brushes past them and into the announcer booth]  
{Kojiro} [moves into a corner and pulls out a book of yaoi hentai and begins "reading"...]  
{Giga}.....  
{Giga} [chucks a towel at Koji]  
{Anberu} Giga, bring your memory over here. Do you remember who the other hosts were?  
{Kojiro} ....[hiss!]  
{Giga} [thinks] Umm.. Musta left my memory in my other pants....  
{Cloud} [peeks over Koji's shoulder::  
{Anberu} ..bloody hell..  
{Kojiro} ...Get your own, Mr. Strife.  
{Burori} [wanders the background] Heard Kakkarotto was here.... Kill Kakkarotto...  
{Amber} Ò.Ó CLOUD STRIFE, GET YOUR BUTT AWAY FROM THERE!  
{Cloud} O.O; Yes ma'am. [creeps over to the ring]  
{Giga} [snickers] Hen-pecked...  
{Anberu} [glares at Giga]  
{Giga} [eeps quietly]  
{Sephiroth} [tilts his head to Giga as he moves in..] Hm?  
{Giga} [glares at Sephiroth]  
{Anberu} Oh! [pounces on Sephiroth] You're on time! Great!  
{Sephiroth} [..pounced] -.-;  
{Giga} [jealous of Sephiroth]  
{Anberu} You're signed up for "Most Beautiful Bishounen" and "Best Baddie."  
{Anberu} [looks down at her sparse clipboard] Oh.. my.. There are a lot of contestants in both of those..  
{Giga} [wanders off]  
{Anberu} GIGA!  
{Sephiroth} ...Of course... [brushes a hand back through his silver hair..]  
{Giga} Eh?  
{Anberu} I need you to hunt down Goku, Kuririn, Zarbon, Vegeta.. Um.. who else..  
{Burori} [In Background, still. He's found Bejita and is proceeding to swing him around in the air] Kill Kakkarotto!!!  
{Anberu} Kamesennin and Buruma and Tuxedo Kamen.  
{Kojiro} [scoff] How is Kuririn bishounen?  
{Anberu} He's in the "Brightest Bald Head" competition.  
{Kojiro} Ahh....  
{Kojiro} [returns to look at his yaoi hentai..]  
{Anberu} Amber! Call the Turks, they're signed up too!  
{Giga} [looks in the background, sweatdrops] Perhaps Burori would be suited for the "Best Baddie" Competition?  
{Amber} Right boss. [whips out her cell phone]  
{Anberu} ...Um.... if it'll make him stop attacking the other candidates..  
{Bejita} [flies through the three of them, slams into a nearby wall... "Kill Kakkarotto" is heard in the background]  
{Anberu} {m} I can't promise he'll make it through the prelims though...  
{Anberu} Koji! You have to work too!  
{Sephiroth} Overgrown green haired monkey.... these Saiya-jins are numerous....  
{Kojiro} ...Hm?  
{Giga} I'll be back... With some people, I guess... [has already forgotten who he was supposed to bring back]  
{Anberu} You have to hunt down the Amazon Trio and Zoicite. Um... Let's see... [checks her clipboard]  
{Anberu} ...The other Dark Kingdom generals too, I suppose.  
{Kojiro} [mutters a bit as he puts down the mag, and heads out the door...]  
{Giga} [wanders off with a confused look on his face]  
{Buruma} [walks into the announcer's booth] ...This thing was today?  
{Amber} Obviously.  
{Giga} [walking down the halls listening to music no one else can hear]  
{Kojiro} [returns pushing in a group of four other bishounen..]  
{Burori} [wanders over to Anberu] Me want Kakkarotto.  
{Fish Eye} [wide smile, looking around for Mamoru...]  
{Anberu} You'll get your chance. I think we have a fighting competition...  
{Hawks Eye} [slight scoff, forced in..]  
{Anberu} ...Koji? Where are Kunzite and Nephrite and Jadeite?  
{Tigers Eye} [brushes back his hair as he's forced in]  
{Kojiro} They're your problem...  
{Anberu} ...Argh.. ¬.¬ [pounces Tigers Eye] Hi! ^^  
{Zoicite} [pouts as Kunzite's not here yet..]  
{Tigers Eye} Gack!!! [blinks a bit..] Well hello....  
{Anberu} Ooh, I gotta hunt down more bishies.. [stalks off]  
{Kojiro} [walks over to where his hentai was and then blinks, finding it missing..]  
{Reno} [walks in, tapping his nightstick against his shoulder, a cigarette hanging from his lip]  
{Kojiro} Who took my yaoi hentai??  
{Reno} [shrugs]  
{Rude} [enters, pushing Rufus ahead of him]  
{Scarlet} [enters immediately behind, trying to get around Rude to get to Rufus]  
{Rufus} [whimpers] help..  
{Sephiroth} [whipes a towel over Masamune as he attempts to engage Cloud in conversation..] So how have you been?  
{Cloud} Pretty good, actually! [beams] You got rid of Aerith for me and Amber got rid of Tifa and her Chocobo lover so I don't have anyone trying to pull me away from my wife!  
{Elena} [bounces in, dragging Tseng behind her] Come on, Tsengy! You're going to win this contest!  
{Sephiroth} [nods slightly, muttering something that sounds like a curse...::  
{Tseng} [sighs] Thank you for the vote of confidence, Elena..  
{Amber} Elena! What are you doing here?   
{Elena} I'm Tsengy's moral support! ^^  
{Kojiro} [searches the room frantically for his yaoi hentai...]  
{Amber} uh..huh..  
{Jadeite} [walks in, well, tries to walk in, it's not easy with Anberu hanging all over him]  
{Mirai Trunks} [debating whether he's suppose to go in or not...]  
{Kunzite} [walks in, smirking at Jadeite, Nephrite just behind]  
{Zoicite} [moves over to Kunzite] Kun-kun! You're here! ^.^  
{Kunzite} Hey there.  
{Jadeite} [mouths "Kun-kun"?]  
{Anberu} [smooch!]  
{Jadeite} ~_~...  
{Mirai Trunks} [continues to wonder which contest he was signed up for, still just outside the door]  
{Nephrite} ...  
{Nephrite} The stars say that Naru-chan's going to bite my head off if she sees this...  
{Zoicite} [snickers softly at Neflite..]  
{Jadeite} [likewise::  
{Vincent} [steps up behind Mirai Trunks and stands there silently] .....  
{Mirai Trunks} [sits outside the door, legs crossed, pulling out his sword to clean it...]  
{Vincent} [nods and moves in]  
{Reno} Well.. if it isn't the original Turk Laconic.  
{Rude} ...!  
{Reno} Heh..  
{Mirai Trunks} [shakes his head as he listens to the people just inside..]  
{Sephiroth} [yawns quietly, hand to mouth, eyes on the man he's seated next to, Cloud...]  
{Fish Eye} [pouts as Mamoru's not here, sits with Hawks Eye and Tigers Eye..]  
{Tigers Eye} [admires himself in a mirror..]  
{Cloud} [toys with his earring]  
{Juunanagou} [pushed down the hall by his twin sister...]  
{Juuhachigou} [pushes him to the ring and heads for the announcer's booth]  
{Juunanagou} [mutters softly...]  
{Juuhachigou} [looks at her brother] ...You're supposed to consider it an honor to be considered for "Best Baddie."  
{Juunanagou} Well, there is no one better than I am....  
{Reno} ..I disagree.  
{Amber} He's in "Beautiful Bishounen" too.  
{Juunanagou} .......  
{Rufus} I'm going to win that one! [poses]  
{Scarlet} [pounces on Rufus]  
{Rufus} ACK! HELP!  
{Tseng} [steps forward to drag Scarlet off of the President]  
{Sephiroth} [light smirk... keeps his eyes on Cloud..]  
{Cloud} [looks at Sephiroth blankly] Why are you staring at me?  
{Sephiroth} [blinks a bit, then looks elsewhere..] Uh... no reason.  
{Mirai Trunks} [decides to come inside to find out if he's right or wrong..]  
{Anberu} AGH! Trunks! What took you so long?  
{Mirai Trunks} Uhh.... trouble in Satan City..?  
{Anberu} Can you help? It's chaos in here..  
{Mirai Trunks} I guess... What's wrong?  
{Anberu} Well... there's no control, there are only a few contestants here, and I think your father's been knocked out cold.  
{Mirai Trunks} By who..??  
{Anberu} Um.. Giga called him "Burori."  
{Mirai Trunks} Gah!! Not the Legendary Super Saiya-jin..??  
{Kojiro} [whispers to Anberu..] Brolli...  
{Anberu} [exasperated] I don't know!  
{Mirai Trunks} [heads off on a search for the big Saiya-jin and his father..]  
{Kojiro} Speaking of Frank, where is he?  
{Anberu} I don't know!! I need a drink... [heads off in search of sake]  
{Anberu} [stalks back to the main arena a few minutes later, sipping from a little glass, angry look on her face]  
{Kojiro} [mildly mutters to himself but admires all the pretty bois he's in a single room with]  
{Anberu} [points] GIGA! We're waiting on those people you're supposed to be hunting up?!  
{Giga} Hmm? Hunting people?   
{Giga} Who's hunting people?  
{Mirai Trunks} [is presently attempting to rescue his father from Brolli...]  
{Kojiro} You are, genius!  
{Anberu} YES! You're supposed to find Goku and Kuririn and Kamesennin and Mamoru and Zarbon!  
{Fish Eye} Mamoru.... [sigh..]  
{Giga} Oh, okay... Gotcha!  
{Anberu} And.. and.. and anyone else you think should be in this competition!  
{Hawks Eye} [gives a disturbed look to Fish Eye..]  
{Burori} [using Bejita to try and swat Trunks like a fly] Raaah!! No hurt Burori!!  
{Giga} What competition is it?  
{Tigers Eye} [likewise..]  
{Cloud} [wanders over to the announcer's booth]  
{Anberu} It's the whole Battle of the Boys!  
{Anberu} ..and tell Goku to bring hair gel. We'll need lots of it..  
{Giga} Well, then wouldn't every boy be eligible? How do I pick?  
{Mirai Trunks} [powers up to Super Saiya-jin and fires a Burning Attack at the big brute..]  
{Anberu} We want bishounen and guys with hard hair or shiny heads.  
{Rude} ....I feel dirty.  
{Giga} Eew... Bishounen are Koji's department, I'll get the bald guys and hard hair dudes...  
{Reno} Maybe that's because you're standing on Kojiro's hentai book.  
{Anberu} GET ZARBON!  
{Kojiro} There it is!!  
{Giga} Blech... All right...  
{Rude} [looks down] ..... [steps off of it] .....I still feel dirty.  
{Giga} [walks off, this time knowing who he is in search for]  
{Reno} [rolls his eyes and looks around] ..Where are all the chicks?  
{Kojiro} [snatches the precious book and returns to his corner..]  
{Burori} [gets out of the way, letting the shot go right through the crowd of people]  
{Amber} We're all married! [drags Cloud into a side room]  
{Juuhachigou} ..speak for yourself..  
{Juunanagou} ...You married Kuririn...  
{Juuhachigou} Oh. Alright. [knocks Reno into a wall when he comes within range]  
{Reno} ...ow....  
{Rude} [smirks]  
{Reno} [moves to Anberu] Hey babe, where'd you get the booze?  
{Anberu} {m} Not booze. Sake.  
{Reno} What's the difference?  
{Son Goku} [comes flying into the room. Giga's cry of triumph is heard from the hallway] I brought hair gel. [smiles]  
{Anberu} [points towards the concession stand]  
{Anberu} [looks at Goku] Oh, good.  
{Mirai Trunks} [showering Burori with kicks and punches..]  
{Juurokugou} [watching Burori and Mirai Trunks with interest]  
{Anberu} Um, there's a locker room for the guys. I know Sephiroth and you and Cloud and Reno and Rufus are going to need gel before this thing's over..  
{Burori} [swings Bejita around wildly]

_(Hallway...)_  
_{Giga} [finds Piccolo meditating in the hallway] Hmm.....  
{Piccolo} [meditates....]  
{Giga} You've got a bald head... Come with me! [grabs him] YOINK, AND AWAY!!   
{Piccolo} Aghh!! Rrr....  
{Giga} [chucks Piccolo into the room with all the loonies] Now, for Kuririn..._

_(Main room...)_  
{Buruma} Bejita will too. [fiddles with the announcers' mikes]  
{Mirai Trunks} [gets hit by his father's body..]  
{Anberu} ..how MUCH gel did you bring, exactly?  
{Sephiroth} [crosses one leg over the other, letting out a yawn...]  
{Son Goku} Ummm... I brought about as much as I normally use for each contestant? [steps aside, reveals about 20 bags]  
{Anberu} ALRIGHT! ^^ You're a life-saver.  
{James} [forced into the room by Jesse and Meowth...] But I don't want to go...  
{Juuhachigou} ..yeah. The stores are killer this time of day.  
{Jesse} Oh, think about it James! Think of all the money we'll get if you win!  
{Juurokugou} [nods silently. It takes some gel to keep his Mohawk in place]  
{James} ...True... [thinks of the money..]  
{Meowth} Yeah, and ders free food! Meowth, out a' my way!! [rushes to the concession stand]  
{Anberu} [sweatdrop, twitch] Oh my.. I forgot about the prizes... [dashes off to see to THAT little detail]  
{Amber} [emerges from the side room, buttoning her jumpsuit]  
{Kojiro} ...Ooh! ^.^ My favorite coupling... Sephy x Cloud... [still reading his yaoi hentai..]  
{Son Goku} FREE FOOD?!! [Rushes to the concession stand right behind Meowth]  
{Cloud} [slides out behind her, looking drunk]

_(Elsewhere...)_  
{Giga} [spots Kuririn sitting nearby, reading a hentai] Hmm...

_(Main Floor...)_  
{James} [follows after Goku...] Wait... food?  
{Ryoko} [already at the concession stand, she glares at Meowth, Goku, and James] There's not enough room here for the four of us!  
{Cloud} [drapes an arm over Amber's shoulder] {m} I love love love love love you..  
{Meowth} [unsheaths his claws] I ain't leavin'.... Meowth!  
{Amber} [grin]  
{James} Shut your trap, old bat... [shovels his mouth full]  
{Ryoohki} [walks up to Meowth and nudges his leg]  
{Sephiroth} [glares at Amber..]  
{Ryoko} Ò.Ó WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!?  
{Meowth} Meowth?  
{Amber} [sticks her tongue out at Sephiroth, then kisses Cloud]  
{Son Goku} [begins eating Ryoko's food when she goes after James]  
{James} [looks at Ryoko, mouth full..]  
{Ryoohki} Miyaaa. =^.^=  
{Anberu} [drags Ryoko away from the concession stand] I need your help!  
{Kagato} [teleports in, finally having ditched Washu..]  
{Giga} [chucks a bag into the room] Here, Juuhachigou! This belongs to you...  
{Mirai Trunks} Goku, I need your help! [still fighting Burori..]  
{Tenchi} [walking by the room]  
{Burori} [ditched his makeshift weapon, now just flailing around]  
{Son Goku} MM? [mouth full] MI'm kimda busy.... [GOBBLEGOBBLE]  
{Juuhachigou} [blinks and walks over to the bag] ...?  
{Ryoohki} [rubs against Meowth, purring]  
{Kuririn} [struggling] Hey, lemme out of here, what's going on here! [and etc....]  
{Juunanagou} [snickers a bit, getting an idea of what's in the bag..]  
{Juuhachigou} ...~_~;; [opens the bag]  
{Kuririn} [has the hentai mag sitting on his head] Oh, hi honey...  
{Juuhachigou} [grabs the magazine with two fingertips] What... is.. this....?

_(Elsewhere...)_  
{Giga} [snagged one of Kuririn's many and is now holding it over Kamesennin's head] C'mon, wakey wakey...   
{Kamesennin} *Snrrt* Huh? What? Ooh, let me see that, young man!!

_(Main room)_  
{Kuririn} Uh... Uh... What can I say but... Old habits die hard? [sweatdrop]  
{Juuhachigou} ¬.¬... [tosses it into a convenient bonfire and walks back to the announcer booth]  
{Kuririn} Great...  
{Cloud} [clings to Amber] ...You have to work...?  
{Amber} And you have to be a contestant.  
{Juunanagou} You have a great catch, Sis...  
{Cloud} Ooh, what kind of contest?  
{Amber} A beauty contest, dear.  
{Cloud} ...I don't have to wear a dress again, do I?  
{Tenchi} [wanders in, after hearing all the commotion]  
{Sasami} [waves from behind the counter of the concession stand] Hi, Tenchi!  
{Tenchi} Hi, Sasami. Getting lots of business?  
{Ranma} [pulled in by Akane...]  
{Son Goku} [still scarfing in the corner]  
{Bejita} [finally wakes up] What happened to me? Where's that overgrown oaf of a Saiya-jin!!  
{Mirai Trunks} [laying beside his father, looking a bit beat up...] He went that way....  
{Buruma} [turns on the microphones and PA system] BEJITA!!! NO FIGHTING!!!  
{Burori} [There is a large, Burori shaped hole in a nearby wall]  
{Kamesennin} [is led into the room by Giga with the magazine in his hand] Ooh... that's naughty!  
{Giga} ANBERU!! Who else do I need to get?  
{Ranma} Do I have to be here, Akane?  
{Giga} [looks around] Hey, Koji, where did Anberu go?  
{Kojiro} [not answering, doesn't seem to have heard him..]  
{Giga} Fine... [wanders back out]  
{Son Goku} [finally finishes at the Concession stand, he walks out and happens to trip over Piccolo] Oh, hey Piccolo!  
{Piccolo} ...Watch where you're stepping, Son.  
{Son Goku} Heh, sorry Piccolo. So, what are you doing here?  
{Anberu} [returns] Where's Zarbon?  
{Akane} You more or less fit the qualifications on the flyer, so yes!  
{Giga} I guess she wanted me to get Furiza for the Bald Head contest...  
{Vincent} ....  
{Ranma} ...Drat....

_(Elsewhere...)  
{Giga} [standing outside the door to Furiza's room] Hmm... I know she wanted me to get someone evil...  
{Furiza} [brooding inside his room..]  
{Giga} [knocks, politely]_

_(Main Floor..)_  
{Mysterious Guy} I'm here for the Bishounen Competition...  
{Sasami} [looks at Akane] Hey! [waves her arm] Over here! We need your help!  
{M.G.} [in the main room, behind Anberu when he says that]  
{Anberu} [turns] Whaaaa?

_(Elsewhere...)  
{Furiza} [a beam of energy shoots out at Giga through the door..]_

_(Main Floor)  
_{M.G.} [wearing a large hat and a long, dark red cloak. He has long black hair and looks like a taller Sephiroth]  
  
_(Elsewhere)_  
_{Giga} [ducks] Well, that's not very polite. [kicks the door in] All right, Furiza, you're coming with me!_

_(Main room)_  
{Kojiro} ...We have D....  
{Anberu} Ohhhh-kay... Um.. Can you handle herding duty for a bit?  
{D} [pulls out his Masamune] I can do that...  
{Anberu} ..um.. no bloodshed, okay? We just need to get all the guys into the dressing room.  
{D} [reluctantly puts Masamune away] All right... 

_(Elsewhere...)  
{Furiza} [places him in a Hokaku Kon Dan and bats him away with his tail..]_  
_{Giga} [flies away, lands into Zarbon by happenstance::  
{Zarbon} [collided into, loud explosion...::_  
_{Explosion} [Loud]  
{Giga} [gets up and shakes his head] Hmm.. HEY, YOU'RE THE GUY!! [grabs Zarbon]  
{Zarbon} [scorched a bit, but grabbed..]_

_(Main room)_  
{Giga} [arrives back at the room, notices D chasing guys around with his whip] Umm, I got Zarbon...  
{Anberu} Great. Help the new guy get all the guys into the dressing room to get ready for the first event.  
{Zarbon} [looks in bad shape...]  
{Anberu} ..We need a nurse... Little Washuu! Where are you!?  
{Giga} Okay... [pops a Sensu in Zarbon's mouth, then picks him up and throws him into the dressing room]  
{Kagato} ....Crap! [hides in the dressing room..]  
{Little Washuu} ^^ You called, Beru?  
{Tenchi} [gets snapped in the butt with a whip] AAGH! Hey, I'm not even in the competition!! [is herded into the Dressing Room anyway]  
{Anberu} Yeah, I'll stay out of your lab for a while if you go in the dressing room and make sure all the contestants are in tip-top shape.  
{Little Washuu} I need a bit more incentive.  
{Anberu} Kagato's in there.  
{Sephiroth} [steps past D into the dressing room..] Whip me with that thing and you die...  
{Little Washuu} On it, chief! [dashes into the dressing room, in her nurse outfit already]  
{Cloud} [follows Sephiroth] You're in the contest too?  
_{Kagato} [sees her coming and dives behind a group of lockers..]_  
{D} [snaps Cloud with the whip] No talking...  
{Cloud} Eep! [dash!]  
{Sephiroth} [light smirk..]  
_{Son Goku} [sitting in the locker room with a vacant look on his face]_  
{Giga} I think I got everybody...  
{Kojiro} ...Great, Frank...  
{Anberu} ..Perfect Cell?  
{Anberu} ..Good idea. Giga, go find him.  
{Anberu} [schizzed out] Yeah, really good idea.  
{Giga} Yes, Doctor?  
{Giga} [blinkblink] What?   
{Anberu} I wonder where Ryoko is with the prize money..  
{Anberu} She might have only gotten Juraian money, you know. That would be no good..  
{Anberu} Ooh, you're right.. [wanders off]  
{Giga} You sent Ryoko to get prize money? And they call me Frank...  
{Giga} [wanders off to get Perfect Cell... Sheesh, he gets all the hard jobs]  
{Amber} [looks over Buruma's shoulder] Everything ready?  
{Buruma} Yep.  
{Juuhachigou} ...Our ringmaster just wandered off in a psychotic daze.  
{Amber} Damn...

_(Dressing room)  
{Fish Eye} [watches Mamoru get dressed..]  
{Mamoru} [doesn't even notice, continues changing into his Tuxedo and putting on his mask]  
{Fish Eye} [receives disturbing looks from Hawks Eye and Tigers Eye as he watches Mamoru..]  
{Bejita} NOOOOOOO!!!! [just opened his gym bag]  
{Bejita} That... that... WOMAN!!!   
{Amber} ..I'd better go find her.  
_{Buruma} [who, me?]  
_{Mirai Trunks} [looks to his father..] What?  
{Bejita} She only packed.... THE PINK SHIRT!!!  
{Mirai Trunks} ...Oh..._  
{Buruma} [Whoops. ^^]

_(Elsewhere...)  
{Burori} [now wandering around, having forgotten where the competition was being held]_

_(Main room)_  
{Furiza} [steps in quietly, red eyes surveying the area..]  
{Anberu} [walks in, bumping into Furiza] Hey, who's this?  
{Bejita} [disregards it and wears only his skin tight, white undershirt with slacks and shoes] I'll show her....  
{Anberu} I don't know, I don't know..  
{Anberu} Maybe she wants to be a bouncer?  
{Anberu} She could do that. She looks strong.  
{Furiza} I am not a WOMAN!  
{Anberu} Sorry ma'am. Are you here for the "Bishounen Impersonators" contest?  
{Anberu} I'm going to win that one... I'm an androgyne.  
{Anberu} I'll beat you.  
{Anberu} You won't..  
{Furiza} [clinches his fist..] Next person to die, Gen Fukunaga...

_(Elsewhere...)  
{Giga} Now, if I were a Perfect Cell, where would I be?_  
_{Giga} Why'd she send me to get him, anyway? She should know that he doesn't qualify for anything...  
{Cell} [sitting in his room, watching T.V.] Ooh, that Gilligan. If he continued to destroy my plans for getting off the Island, I'd absorb him.  
{Giga} I know, I'll check his room!_

_(Main room)_  
{Anberu} Maybe it's a guy?  
{Anberu} That's an idea! Mister, the dressing rooms are that way. [points::  
{Furiza} [glares at Anberu...] Of course I'm male!  
{Furiza} [storms over to the dressing room...] Moron....  
{Anberu} ...But.. you're wearing.. lipstick..  
{Anberu} Oh well. [hops into the ring::

_(Dressing Room)  
{Tenchi} [standing off to the side in the dressing room] Umm.. I'm not supposed to be here...._  
_{Reno} [sneaks up behind Tenchi and zaps him in the butt with his nightstick::  
{Rude} [quiet snicker::  
{Tenchi} OW!! [starts rubbing his butt] Why you!!  
{Reno} You're the kid with the five chicks, aren't you?_  
_{Sephiroth} [changes into a pair of tight black shorts... and only that..::_  
_{Tenchi} Uh.. Yeah, that's me.  
{Ranma} [looks to Tenchi..] You have more than one woman after you too?_

_(Main room)_  
{Amber} ...Call the chibis.  
{Buruma} [pushes a button]  
**{Anberu} [pulls her headset mike on] Ladies and gentlemen!**  
_{Reno} Hey, kid, I'd be glad to take... all five off your hands. Heh heh heh..  
{D} [glares at his "doppelganger" He changes to nearly the same thing, but substituting blood red for black::  
{Rude} He is lacking eight hands, isn't he?  
{Tenchi} I don't think they'd like you...  
{Ranma} ...::ignored...::  
{Reno} I'll split 'em with you, buddy.. [looks at Tenchi] What do you mean!? All the ladies love me!_  
**{Anberu} Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the first ever Battle of the Boys, sponsored by the Rocketto Gang!**  
{Crowd} [what crowd?] *Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeer*  
_{Tenchi} Well, see, the thing is, they're all obsessed with me...  
{Sephiroth} [flexes his bare muscles....]_  
{Giga} [is seen flying around in the background on Perfect Cell's back. Far-away screams are heard]  
_{Reno} Let me and my buddy here borrow 'em for a night.. we'll change their minds._  
{Kojiro} [still in the corner, reading yaoi hentai..]  
_{Bejita} [walks over to Sephiroth, jabs him in the ribs] You call those muscles?  
{Sephiroth} You call that hair?_  
{Anberu} The first event is the "Hardest Hair" competition!  
{Burori} [wanders into the Commentators area]  
_{Bejita} Why you... [begins to power up] I'll show you...._  
**_{Amber} [sits down and cues her mike, feeding into the dressing room] Would Goku, Cloud, and Bejita please report to the ring?  
{Amber} Repeat: Goku, Cloud, and Bejita, report to the ring._**  
**{Anberu} Now for our contestants!**  
_{Sephiroth} Maybe later, Vegetable, they need you now._  
_{Bejita} You're just lucky... [wanders off and out of the room]_  
**{Anberu} You've watched his swordplay and his schizophrenia...**  
{Burori} [sits down at the vacant Color Commentators chair::  
{Cloud} ...Someone called? [Wanders out of the dressing room]  
**{Anberu} Here he is, our first contestant, Cloud Strife!  
{Cloud} H-HUH!? [pulled onto the ring::**  
_{Son Goku} Hey, that's me!_  
**{Anberu} Next, a babe who needs no introduction! The Saiyajin Prince Bejita!  
{Burori} [takes over as Color Commentator] Umm.. Me Burori. Me [picks up the cue card sitting in front of him] Color Comm-ent-ator.  
{Bejita} [walks into the ring, then leaps into the air, flipping and landing on his feet]  
{Anberu} Last and.. possibly least, Cloud's mental equivalent, Son Goku!  
{Bejita} [straightens up with a smirk]**  
_{Son Goku} Hey, that's me too.. [still sitting in the Dressing Room]_  
{Femme Crowd} [cheers for Bejita]  
**{Anberu} Eh... Son Goku?   
{Amber} Goku, get your butt out to the ring!  
{Anberu} [looks at her watch and taps her foot::  
{Burori} Umm.. Cloud's hair is yellow. Bejita's is black...  
{Buruma} ...Thank you for that update, Burori.  
{Son Goku} Oh, okay.. [runs out to the ring]  
{Anberu} Okay! Son Goku!  
{Anberu} Alright! Now, to prove which of these spike-heads has the hardest hair... I hope you gents slathered on the gel before you came.**  
**{Burori} And Kakkarotto... KAKKAROTTO!!! KILL KAKKAROTTO!! [is about to take off, when he picks his mike up] Burori be back... RAAAH!!**  
{Ryoko} [teleports in and forces Burori to sit down]  
{Kojiro} [currently admiring Cloud's shapely figure..]  
**{Anberu} We have our crew of little ones to help us prove who has the hardest hair!  
{Burori} Umm... Burori back...  
{Bejita} Little.... ones?**  
{Kojiro} ...Great, here comes the chibis....  
**{Anberu} Please welcome Chibis Lil, Kahrian, and Usa!  
{Bejita} Chibis!?!?  
{Chibis} [dash into the ring, looking kawaii]**  
{Crowd} Oooh, how cuuuute!  
**{Bejita} AAAGH!! I HATE CHIBIS!!! [starts blasting them] DIE, CHIBIS!!!!  
{Chibi Kahr} [clings to Bejita's leg] Hey! Where's Gotenks!  
{Chibi Lil} [hides behind Cloud] Brother! Save me!  
{Anberu} Bejita, CEASE!**  
_{Chibi Trunks} [elsewhere playing with Goten...]_  
**{Bejita} DIE DIE DIE!!! [keeps blasting away, even at the one on his leg]  
{Buruma} [cues her mike to the auditorium] BEJITA!  
{Chibi Usa} [hides behind Goku]  
**_{Son Goten} [also elsewhere, being Chibi Trunks slave]_**  
{Bejita} [pauses, panting] What do you want, woman?  
{Buruma} Don't kill the Chibis.  
{Anberu} [hands each Chibi a hammer]  
{Bejita} Pfft, I'm out of here... [takes off, flying out of the arena]  
{Anberu} [sweatdrops]  
{Kojiro} ....Agh... that's how he always loses the Tenkaichi Boudokais....  
{Anberu} Okay... Sooo.. Chibi Usa, you can go find your Daddy..  
{Chibi Kahr} [climbs onto Goku's shoulders]  
{Chibi Lil} [likewise with Cloud]  
{Cloud} ...[blinks] Lil? What are you doing..?  
{Chibi Lil} I'm doing my job, brother! So shush!**

_(Dressing room)  
{Chibi Usa} ..... [runs off to the Dressing Room] Mamochan!?  
{Fish Eye} [currently has Mamoru in a corner..]_  
_{Mamoru} [looking at Fish Eye strangely] What... do you... want?  
{Chibi Usa} [clings to Mamoru's leg] Daddy!  
{Fish Eye} You to be mine!! [big smiiiiile]  
{Mamoru} Oh, hey there, Usa... [looks up, sweatdrops] What?  
{Fish Eye} I love you....  
{Chibi Usa} [stomps on Fish's foot] HE'S TAKEN, YOU!  
{Fish Eye} Ow!! .;;  
{Mamoru} RUN! [takes off]  
{Chibi Usa} [runs too]  
{Hawks Eye and Tigers Eye} [sweatdrop..]_

_(Main room)_**  
{Anberu} Okay.. so... The chibis will hit the contestants on the hair until one of them is knocked unconscious.. the one still awake will be the winner.  
{Anberu} Chibis, commence!**  
**{Chibis} [start pounding on the contestants' hair with hammers]**  
{Anberu} [wanders off]  
**{Buruma} Well, here we go on the first contest. ...Those kids have power, that's for sure.  
{Cloud} [blinks and looks generally clueless]  
{Son Goku} [looks pretty much the same]  
{Kojiro} [winks a bit to Cloud..]  
{Amber} [cues her mike to the auditorium] Don't do that, Kojiro.  
{Burori} Chibis have... big black and brown hammers. [proud of himself]**  
{Kojiro} ...::pout..::  
**{Amber} [yawns] Well.. so far, not so much as a hair has budged.**  
**{Cloud} [blinks, then looks at Goku] Are you married too?  
{Son Goku} Yeah, I'm married...  
{Cloud} Did your wife have to beat off any girls obsessed with you? Mine did...**  
{Kojiro} [still checking out Cloud..]  
**{Son Goku} Nah, my wife just generally beats on people...  
{Cloud} Oh. You got any kids?  
{Son Goku} Yeah, got two.**  
{Buruma} [yawns] Maybe we should move on to the next competition..  
**{Cloud} I have a step-son and we have a little girl..  
{Son Goku} Two boys.**  
{Kojiro} [whispers to Anberu..] Is there a crossdressing contest too...?  
{Anberu} Um.. I guess we could have one...  
**{Amber} Good idea. Alright, the "Hardest Hair" competition will be moved to small ring 3.**  
**{Anberu} [moves to the stage and pushes Cloud and Goku to small ring 3::  
{Cloud} ...What's going on?  
{Son Goku} Dunno...**  
**{Anberu} [returns to the main ring] Alright! Um.. [checks her clipboard] The next competition is..**  
{Kojiro} [winks again at Cloud..]  
**{Anberu} ..The "Shiniest Bald Head" competition!**  
**{Amber} [cues her mike to the dressing room] Kuririn, Piccolo, Kamesennin, and Rude, please report to the main ring.**  
{Kuririn} [heads out, followed by Kamesennin]  
{Piccolo} ...!! Rrr....  
{Rude} ..... [walks out to the ring and climbs into it]  
{Kuririn} [gets into the ring]  
{Piccolo} [points at Furiza] Why aren't you in this too??  
**{Kamesennin} [cons Turtle into helping him get in]  
{Amber} ...[checks the cameras] Yeah, Furiza report as well.  
{Furiza} ......  
{Anberu} Our first contestant, the silent Turk with the fists of steel, Rude!  
{Rude} [bows to the crowd]  
{Anberu} Contestant number two, Goku's best friend, Kuririn!**  
_{Juuhachigou} [off searching for Vegeta, y'know?::_  
**{Kuririn} [waves to the crowd::  
{Anberu} Contestant number three, the green baddie-turned-goodie, Piccolo!  
{Anberu} [looks around] ...Piccolo?  
{Piccolo} [steps onto the arena, and tosses off his turban and cape...::  
{Anberu} Okay, Piccolo! ^^  
{Anberu} Contestant number four, the old.. old.. old.. um.. Kamesennin!  
{Kamesennin} [leers at all the women in the crowd::  
{Anberu} And.. where's contestant five? ...Ma'am? Where are you?**  
**{Furiza} [floats into the arena, tail thumping Anberu in the head] I am not a woman...**  
{Giga} [is seen in the background again, riding Cell] ANBERUUUUUU!!!!  
**{Anberu} Ow...**  
**{Anberu} [turns and staaares at Cell and Giga]**  
**{Anberu} Ahem.. contestant number five, the Changeling himself, FURIZA!**  
{Crowd} [roars]  
**{Furiza} [scowls at the crowd..]**  
{Crowd} [falls silent]  
{King Cold} [claps in the back row, encouraging Cooler to try to show a bit of support..]  
{Cooler} [refuses to show his brother support..]  
{Guy in Crowd} ....We're not going to cheer for you if you glare at us when we try to cheer for you!  
{Giga} [crashes Cell into that guy]  
**{Furiza} I could care less...**  
{Guy} x_x  
**{Anberu} Eh.. eh.. eh.. Okay. Let's get this show going.  
{Anberu} The object is to reflect light off of your head to blind your opponents! The last baldy standing wins!**  
{Giga} I'm alive!! And Cell's Unconscious!!  
**{Anberu} ..Aaand.. GO! [dashes off the ring]  
{Rude} [moves to an edge and stands there, arms crossed]  
{Furiza} [goes first, light dully reflecting of the purple crystal in his head...]  
{Buruma} [flips a switch to turn on the bright spotlights]  
{Furiza} [now he gets a shine...]  
{Kuririn} [aims at Furiza] This is what ya get for killing me!  
{Rude} [tilts his head, sending a bright flash of light into Piccolo's eyes]  
{Kuririn} [has the high-gloss on his head, aims at Furiza a flash of light]  
{Furiza} [blinded...]  
{Piccolo} [just when he was about to tilt his head, he's blinded by Rude..]  
{Kuririn} He's blind, he's out!  
{Anberu} [drags Furiza and Piccolo off the stage]  
{Amber} We're down to Rude, Kuririn, and Kamesennin now!**  
{King Kold} Drat... he lost....  
{Kuura} ...Like I care if he did or not?  
**{Kamesennin} [aims at Rude]  
{Rude} [the light reflects off his sunglasses and right back at Kamesennin]  
{Kamesennin} [reflects the light off his sunglasses and into Kuririn's eyes]  
{Kuririn} AAAH!! [is blinded]  
{Anberu} [grabs Kuririn and drags him off]  
{Kojiro} Oh great, they both have glasses...  
{Buruma} That's it! We're down to the old guy and the Turk!  
{Burori} The old guy... Doesn't have hair.  
{Burori} So, the color is... clear!  
{Rude} [shrugs.. and a bullet knocks the glasses off of Kamesennin's face]  
{Amber} Good job, Burori...  
{Rude} [flashes the light at Kamesennin]  
{Kamesennin} [a ki blast hits Rude in the stomach, knocking the flash out of alignment]  
{Kojiro} Well this is interesting.....  
{Kamesennin} [flashes again]  
{Rude} Guff! [his head falls between his knees, reflecting the light back at Kamesennin]  
{Kamesennin} Arr! My eyes...  
{Amber} Is he out?**  
**{Buruma} I can't tell.**  
**{Rude} [pushes his glasses more firmly on his nose and looks up at his opponent]**  
**{Kamesennin} [who is now behind him. He kicks Rude in the butt]**  
{Kojiro} [pulls Anberu's attention to Cloud starting to sway in side arena 3..::  
{Anberu} [blinks] Oh.. my..  
{Son Goku} Hey, you need some food or something?  
{Cloud} ..My feet are asleep...  
{Son Goku} Oh, sorry.  
{Cloud} [stomps his feet a few times]  
{Chibi Lil} [falls off Cloud's shoulders, sound asleep::  
**{Rude} [snarls]**  
**{Amber} HEY! You're supposed to knock your opponents out with the light from your shiny bald head!  
{Kamesennin} [blinds her, too]**  
{Amber} [behind the lovely glare-proof plate glass window of the announcer booth::  
**{Rude} [blinds Kamesennin while he's distracted]  
{Rude} [then kicks his legs out from under him]  
{Kamesennin} Ow! [blinded]  
{Rude} [stands and brushes dust off of his suit]  
{Buruma} And Rude of the Turks is the WINNER!  
{Kojiro} Well that took some time...  
{Rude} [thrusts a fist into the air]  
{Kamesennin} [starts powering up]  
{Ryoko} [teleports into the ring, grumbling, and hands Rude a bag of gil]  
{Ryoko} [teleports away]  
{Rude} [walks away]  
{Kamesennin} [a blue wave of ki follows Rude]**  
{Kojiro} What's the status on Bejita, Anberu?  
{Rude} [ducks]  
{Anberu} Juuhachigou hasn't reported back...  
{Kojiro} Hmm..  
{Giga} [brushes himself off, walks over to Anberu and Kojiro]  
**{Anberu} [hops into the main ring and smashes a mallet into Kamesennin's head]**  
{Crowd} [cheers]

_(Elsewhere...)_  
_{Mr. Satan} [.....elsewhere, is currently describing to Bejita how he'll beat him up..] And I'll give ya a chop... yeah, a chop..  
{Juuhachigou} [lands behind Bejita]  
{Bejita} Sure you will...  
{Juuhachigou} [taptap]  
{Bejita} [looks over his shoulder] What?  
{Juuhachigou} You're signed up for another contest.  
{Bejita} Fine...  
{Juuhachigou} [tilts her head] Back to the Arena.  
{Mr. Satan} [smirks a bit..] Giving up already, huh? Figures, you would have gotten hurt anyhow..  
{Bejita} [smacks Satan in the face, sending him flying] Let's go...  
{Juuhachigou} ...[takes off]  
{Mr. Satan} .........[sent flying..]_

_(Main room)_**  
{Amber} Alright, let's check up on Cloud and Goku!  
{Son Goku} [yawns::  
{Buruma} Um... Our chibis have passed out from exhaustion.  
{Burori} Their faces are red...**  
**{Amber} ...Paging Chibi Usa, please report to Small Ring 3...  
{Buruma} We need another one as well..**  
{Kojiro} [hits Giga with his chibifying ray...] Eeeeeeelected.  
{Anberu} Ooh, I was gonna call Number Three out.. but that works too.  
{Giga} Eeeaaahh....[shrinks down and Chibifies]  
**{Chibi Usa} [hops onto Cloud's shoulders]  
{Cloud} [staggers, then pulls a Power Bar from his pocket and starts munching on it]**  
{Chibi Giga} [hops onto Koji's shoulders, starts whacking him]  
{Kojiro} [pulls him off and throws him at Son Goku..]  
{Anberu} [glares at Chibi Giga]  
**{Son Goku} Huh?  
{Anberu} Okay, contest continue!  
{Chibi Usa} [starts pounding on Cloud's hair with her hammer.. and the hammer shatters]  
{Chibi Giga} [starts whacking on Son Goku's head]  
{Anberu} [hands Chibi Usa a replacement]**  
**{Chibi Usa} [resumes hammering]  
{Amber} ...The contestants look a bit tired, but only from standing so long.**  
{Kojiro} [pockets the Chibifying Ray..]  
**{Son Goku} I want something to eat, too.  
{Cloud} [hands Goku another Power Bar]**  
{Cell} [sitting in the crowd, eating snacks]  
{Kuura} Move over, green guy.  
**{Amber} Okay, I suppose we'll move onto the big one.**  
**{Son Goku} [eats it] Thanks.**  
**{Buruma} The "Most Beautiful Bishounen" competition!**  
{Crowd} [cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeers!]  
{Anberu} [hops into the main ring]  
{Cell} [smacks them] Back off. I'm the most powerful fighter in the universe.  
{Kojiro} [is heard cheering with the crowd..]  
{Kuura} [smacked..]  
**{Anberu} Calling all Bishounen! If you have been labeled a pretty boy, you're wanted on the stage!**  
{Rufus} [strides out, a cocky grin on his face as he climbs into the ring::  
**{Amber} [keys her mike to the dressing room] You heard the lady!**  
{Sephiroth} [steps into the ring after Rufus...]  
{Reno} [grabs a rope and swings himself into the ring, saluting the ladies in the crowd with his nightstick]  
{D} [steps in after Sephiroth]  
{Tenchi} [is unceremoniously dumped into the ring]  
{Ranma} [pushed into the ring after Tenchi..]  
**{Amber} Amazons! Get out here!**  
{Fish Eye} [steps out at the command...]  
{Juuhachigou} [finally arrives back at the arena with Bejita] You're up.  
{Hawks Eye} [follows Fish...]  
{Mamoru} [slinking around in the shadows, leaps down into the ring after throwing his rose]  
{Anberu} Hey, Koji, you wanna be in this one?  
{Tigers Eye} [trailing after Hawk, admiring himself in a mirror..]  
{Bejita} [flies straight to the ring, elbowing his way to the front of everyone]  
**{Amber} Oh, we need judges!**  
{Kojiro} [already climbing into the ring..::  
{Anberu} Ooh, I forgot.. Fish, you wanna be a judge?  
{Anberu} And Koji? The judges get to pick the prettiest boy.  
{Kojiro} .....Judge?  
{Anberu} [nods]  
{Kojiro} [climbs into the judges booth instead..]  
{Fish Eye} [tilts his head in thought...]  
**{Buruma} [cues to the dressing room] ..Trunks? Where are you?**  
{Anberu} ...Oh, where's Zoi-kun? He's judge material too.  
{Mirai Trunks} [steps up to his mother...] Right here...  
{Zoicite} [looks around as he steps out of the dressing room..]  
{Buruma} Oh! You're due on the ring!  
{Anberu} [blinks, and transforms the ring into a runway-type stage]  
{Mirai Trunks} [blushes a little..]  
{Cloud} [pouts, looking at the runway] I want to be in this one..  
{Son Goku} Not me.. Chi Chi would have a fit.  
{Sephiroth} [flexes his muscles...]  
{D} [flexes his, as well]  
**{Cloud} I forfeit! [Throws Chibi Usa off and runs to the stage]**  
{Kagato} [to get away from Washu, he portals onto the stage...]  
**{Amber} ..OH! Update! Cloud has forfeited the chance at the title of "Hardest Hair" to be in the "Most Beautiful Bishounen" contest!**  
{Anberu} [takes a seat at the judge's table]  
{Kojiro} [sits down next to her...]  
**{Buruma} Yaaay! Goku wins his first and so far only competition!**  
**{Ryoko} [hands Goku his bag of prize money]**  
{Fish Eye} [sits down next to Kojiro..]  
{Zoicite} [sits beside Fish Eye..]  
**{Burori} Me kill Kakkarotto, but me like Color Commentating.  
{Son Goku} I'm gonna buy some food!**  
{Vincent} [drops onto the stage]  
{Bejita} [standing at the front of the stage area, flexing his muscles and posing for the audience]  
{Furiza} [floats down in the back of the stage..]  
{Fangirl Crowd} Ahh! Bejita! Ahh! Sephiros! Ahh! D! [all swooon]  
{James} [stumbles on to the stage...]  
{Tenchi} [standing somewhere in the middle]  
{Juunanagou} [steps out onto it after him...]  
**{Amber} Okay! No more entries!**  
{Juurokugou} [standing next to Juunanagou, just because he always follows him around]  
{Juunanagou} [eyes Juurokugou...] You're obviously going to lose..  
{Anberu} [whispers to Kojiro] Should you unchibify Giga now?  
{Chibi Giga} [gnawing on the wires that run out of the commentator booth]  
{Kojiro} Nahh... he's fine...  
{Chibi Giga} [loud sounds of electrocution right after he says that]  
{Anberu} [grins and shuffles through her point cards]  
{Kojiro} [hums quietly...]  
{Chibi Giga} [wanders away, charred]  
**{Burori} Giga is now black. **  
{Fish Eye} [keeps his eyes peeled for Mamoru...]  
{Mamoru} [hiding in the back]  
{Anberu} Um.. Where's Zoicite? Is he going to be a judge?  
{Zoicite} [sitting next to Fish Eye, whom in turn is by Kojiro..]  
{Fish Eye} [reserves his 10 card for Mamoru...]  
{Zoicite} [does so in turn for Kunzite..]  
{Chibi Giga} [begins gnawing on Koji's leg]  
{Kojiro} [kicks him away..]  
{Chibi Giga} [wanders over to Anberu, looks all cute::  
{Kojiro} Gah!! Anberu, watch out, its a gremlin... [grabs a steel chair..]  
{Chibi Giga} [blasts Koji.. The Chibification didn't do anything to his power]  
**{Buruma} The contestant listing is as follows: Tenchi, Bejita, Juurokugou, D, Mamoru, Sephiroth, James, Kagato, Juunagou, Furiza, Hawks Eye, Tigers Eye, Mirai Trunks, Rufus, Reno, and Cloud.  
{Anberu} [pats Chibi Giga's head] Calm down.  
{Amber} Whoo.. this is going to be intense..**  
{Chibi Giga} [nuzzles her leg]  
{Kojiro} ...They forgot Ranma...  
**{Buruma} ..What's that?  
{Amber} ...and Ramza as well! **  
{Chibi Giga} [snickers]  
{Akane} [cheers from the concession stand]  
{Kojiro} At the very bottom of the list... look at the bottom.  
{Anberu} They got it.  
{Chibi Giga} [snickers again] Ramza...  
**{Amber} Huh.? Oh. Ranma.**  
{Zoicite} [grows enraged] What about Kun-kun?  
{Cell} [sitting in the stands] Hmm...  
{Kojiro} [looks to Anberu..] Did you even finish the damned list?  
{Cell} [takes off into the sky]  
{Anberu} ..I didn't make the list..  
{Amber} Kunzite's not on here!

_(Rafters)  
{Sniper} [perches in the rafters of the Arena]  
{Cell} [stabs the Sniper in the neck with his tail, absorbs her and takes over her job]_  
_{Sniper} [appears on the other side of the arena]  
{Sniper} ..oh, looky, ducks in a row.._

_(Main room)  
_{Zoicite} I refuse to judge then....

_(Rafters)  
{Cell} [grumbles to himself] Things hard to kill.. [fires a quick beam across the ceiling at the Sniper]  
{Sniper} [drops out of sight]  
{Cell} Ha! Now, I will kill people..._

_(Main Room)_  
{Anberu} [sighs] Okay, we'll reopen the competition for one more contestant...  
**{Amber} Kunzite, report to the stage!**  
**{Burori} Kunzite... isn't a color.**  
{Zoicite} [smiles, tapping his pin on the table..]  
**{Amber} Kunzite is another name for Malachite which is a blue-green gem, Burori.  
{Burori} Kunzite is blue-green. Thank you, Amber.**  
{Amber} [nods]  
{Ranma} [lets out a huff of breath, waving to Akane as he stands beside Tenchi..]  
{Tenchi} [looks into the crowd]  
{Kunzite} [makes a dramatic entrance, appearing where a bolt of bright purple lightning strikes the stage]  
{Kunzite} [smirks] ...I'm here.  
{Tenchi} Let's see, I'm sure Aeka, Ryoko, Little Washu, and Sasami are here somewhere...  
{Ranma} You should really be worried if Shampoo is here..  
{Tenchi} Who?  
{Ranma} Trust me, the wisest choice would be to run if she was here..  
{Tenchi} Funny, I end up doing that a lot...  
{Kojiro} [impatiently..] Let's get on with it!

_(Rafters)  
{Sniper} [drops down behind Cell and kicks him out of the rafters]  
{Sniper} [aims at the contestants lined up on the stage]  
{Cell} [flies off] To annoying to deal with anyway..._

_(Main room)_  
{Buruma} We will begin the first event after this break!  
{Kojiro} [head slam...]  
{Anberu} [patpat]  
{Chibi Giga} [crawls into Anberu's lap]

Now it's up to you, the readers! Four people from the "Most Beautiful Bishounen" contest have to go! You have four votes. You can put more than one vote on a single person. For example.. (Ranma-2 Furiza-1 Tenchi-1) The four people with the most votes on Friday, February 23 will be gone!  
The contestants are: 

Tenchi
Bejita
Juurokugou
D
Mamoru

Sephiroth
James
Kagato
Juunagou
Furiza

Hawks Eye
Tigers Eye
Mirai Trunks
Rufus
Reno

Cloud
Kunzite
Ranma

Disclaimer: All non-original characters belong to their respective owners. The concept for "Battle of the Boys" belongs to Anberu Musashi Roquet. This story belongs to Anberu Musashi, Kojiro, and Gigasbolt. HTML by Anberu Musashi.


	2. Commercial Break 1

**Commercial Break**

**Announcer:** Do you have male pattern baldness? Do you find clumps of your own hair all over the house? Look no further, Whighetti is here....!!

**Whighetti Singers:** Whighetti, when you're in a hurry. Put it on your head, it looks real furry!

**Announcer:** Not sold in stores, restaurants or insane asylums.

~~

{Scene opens in a white room. A familiar silhouette sits at a table.}

**Bejita:** Hi, friends. My name is Bejita. You may recognize me from such shows as the long-running "Dragonball" series or the rather short running "Vegetable Patch" series. I am here to talk to you about a serious problem.

{He gets up and moves around the table to sit on the front edge.}

**Bejita: **Chibis. They're everywhere. And there's only one thing to do... Call **Bejita's Chibi Exterminators**!!

{The number 1-888-CHIBI-KILL appears at the bottom of the screen.}

**Bejita: **Call 1-888-CHIBI-KILL. That's 1-888-CHIBI-KILL. Operators are standing by. Here's one of our satisfied customers.

{Scene switches to Emperor Pilaf.}

**Pilaf: **Yeah, I wished this kid, Goku, into a chibi by mistake. So, I called **Bejita's Chibi Exterminators**, and it worked great!! Bejita killed that annoying kid and brought me his carcass! Two thumbs up!

**Announcer: **Remember, 1-888-CHIBI-KILL. Call in the next ten minutes and the first chibi-death is FREE!!

~

{Commercial opens with a car crash.}

**Voice over:** Have you been injured in a car accident or any other type of accident? If so, call 1-800-DUO-KILLS... Whoops, heh heh... wrong number.

{A rustling sound is heard as the screen switches to Dup flipping through a Rolodex.}

**Duo: **Never could work this thing... {Looks up} Oh, uh, hi, I'll get back to that number. Eh-hem. I'm Duo Maxwell, Attorney-at-Law. And I'm here to get you what you deserve! Somebody hit you with a car, I'll get you $1,000 or more! You stub your toe? We'll sue the people who make pavement for their pants!! Why, I'll even sue O.J. Simpson for the time you lost watching his trial! I... {He's interrupted by a knock on the door.}

**Heero:** Duo! Get out of the bathroom! And give Quatre back his video camera!!

**Duo:** *whiny* But Heero, I'm making a commercial!

**Heero:** You're not an attorney! Think about how you bungled up my case! _(See Commercial Value 3) _Now, if you don't come out. I'm coming in!!

**Duo:** No, wait. {Heero busts in and begins beating on Duo.} OW! Quit it! Stop! My leg...

**Voice over:** If you've been beaten on by a friend or spurned lover, call Quatre Raberba Winner, REAL Attorney-at-Law!

**Duo:** {In background} Very funny, Quatre! OW, HEERO!! STOP!

**Quatre: **Cut. {Turns off the camera.}

~

'Beru's Notes: Yes, I know kunzite is not the same color as malachite, but we were catering to the American audience who know Kunzite only as Malachite. Remember. VOTE ONLY FOR THE PEOPLE YOU WANT KICKED OFF!


End file.
